My Wife’s Naïve Diplomacy — Japan’s Love for Process Over Results
You know, my wife said this morning, “America’s too bossy with Japan.” But then she was glued to the latest Netflix drama from the States. Go figure, huh? She’s like Japan: talking about independence one minute and gorging on American goods the next.
It’s not so different when you look at how Japan’s leaders handle negotiations — all polite bows and earnest proposals, but no meat on the bones when it’s time to deal.
Take this latest trip to Washington. Akazawa, the Economy Revitalization Minister, was there to talk tariffs. But before he even stepped into the meeting, Prime Minister Ishiba had a 45-minute phone call with Trump. A real eyebrow-raiser, because usually these top-level talks happen after the working-level deal is struck.
What does it tell you? Trump didn’t want to waste time with bureaucrats. He wanted to pin Ishiba down directly — put him on the back foot before the show even started.
My wife says, “Being polite is enough.” Well, in diplomacy, it’s not. Because Trump doesn’t care about your bows or your briefings. He cares about what you’ll put on the table. And if you’re not holding cards he wants, he’ll find someone who does.
Japan’s old-fashioned “process diplomacy” is like a fancy tea ceremony with no tea. And in a room where Trump’s playing poker with nukes and tariffs, Japan’s polite rituals just look… quaint.
Makes you wonder if Tokyo even knows the game it’s playing.
The Language of Failure — What Akazawa’s Words Reveal
Then there’s Akazawa’s own words to the press:
“We’re not at a stage where we can say the gap has narrowed.”
That’s not the usual language you hear from a Japanese minister — normally, they’ll say something about “constructive dialogue” or “shared understanding.”
This was different. Almost a confession: “We didn’t get anywhere.”
He also said:
“Negotiations with deadlines are for losers.”
“It’s not always best to reach a deal quickly.”
Heavy stuff. If you’re listening closely, he’s really saying: “We’re out of moves, and we know it.”
It’s a classic diplomatic sleight of hand — no deal, so you tell the press that “no deal is better than a bad deal.” But it doesn’t change the fact that there’s no deal at all.
My wife, bless her, always says, “Hesitation is the real enemy.” And she’s right — in diplomacy, if you’re not decisive, the other side sees you for what you are: a pushover.
And when Akazawa’s standing there talking about “no rush,” it’s a polite way of saying Japan’s stuck. No cards left. No leverage. Just hoping the other side blinks first.
The Illusion of Separate Tracks — How the US Sees Japan and China
Akazawa repeated it like a mantra:
“Security and trade talks are separate.”
Oh, sure. Separate for Japan — but not for Trump. Not for the Americans.
To Washington, every piece of the puzzle is part of one big picture: economics, military, technology, even the election. And if you’re not ready to play the whole game, well… you’re not in the game at all.
China, for all its baggage, knows how to play that game. It’s a “strategic rival,” sure. But it’s also a single phone call away from offering Washington a better deal. Decisive. Transactional. Ruthless.
Japan? Japan’s stuck in its old habits — split ministries, slow decisions, a refusal to see that in Washington, “friends” and “enemies” are decided by results, not promises.
And here’s the rub:
If Japan says, “We’re separate on security,” but then can’t deliver anything on trade — Washington starts to think, “Maybe these guys are just… well, a burden.”
The scariest part is, they’re not entirely wrong.
Trench’s Proposal — From One-Way Diplomacy to Multi-Track Strategy
So here’s the hard truth, from one tired detective to another: Japan can’t keep going with this “single-issue, single-track” approach.
It needs to pivot to a multi-track negotiation — wrap up everything into one package deal:
- Security commitments
- Economic deals
- Technology cooperation
- Local jobs and investments
Show Washington: “This is what Japan can deliver. This is why we’re a better bet than China.”
Because let’s face it — polite appeals and data sheets don’t move the dial. In Trump’s world, what matters is: “What’s in it for us?”
Japan needs to send a real delegation — not just polite envoys, but a team with weight: defense officials, industrial leaders, trade ministers. Show that Tokyo’s serious, and not just playing for time.
And stop with the “We’re earnest” line. Start showing numbers — investments, defense buys, jobs.
That’s how you turn a polite bow into a handshake that actually matters.
My wife says, “Japan’s doing its best.” I tell her, “That’s not enough anymore. Results talk — everything else is just noise.”
Closing Monologue
You know, earnestness is a virtue. But in the halls of power, it’s not enough. If you’re not delivering, you’re just in the way.
Japan needs to stop believing that “allies” get a free pass. They don’t. Allies get respect when they bring something to the table.
This G7 in June — that’s the next stage. Let’s see if Ishiba’s government can finally show the Americans what Japan really brings to the fight.